I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
