I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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