his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
