I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
