so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
