Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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