**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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