And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
