the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize