party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
