he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
