I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My bed smells like the plague
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