Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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