Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
