Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
