Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
