haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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