I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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