She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
