You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
