turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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