Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
