The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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