can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
