We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
