I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
