So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
