i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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