you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
