Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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