I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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