clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she pinky promised me she was 18
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
