your parents love me but you hate me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
