i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
