is your mom at the bar?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
