i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
