Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
