I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
