At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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