i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
