Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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