the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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