Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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