if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
