sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
