having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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