We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
