oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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