Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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