Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me that man meat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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