when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
