i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
