I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
