So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
