I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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