Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
