My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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