i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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