So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
