That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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