I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
