Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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  (586): On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes (586): I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition http://tfl.nu/j099
  Replies (7) Good night (1701) Bad night (630)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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  (215): I was like, "um, that's my butthole." http://tfl.nu/5utz
  Replies (32) Good night (1858) Bad night (6389)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

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  (212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth. http://tfl.nu/x3q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6701) Bad night (855)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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  (617): Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed http://tfl.nu/d8dr
  Replies (15) Good night (3427) Bad night (1166)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.

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  (804): I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size. http://tfl.nu/11z8
  Replies (20) Good night (6210) Bad night (822)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.

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  (401): my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie. http://tfl.nu/a7k2
  Replies (13) Good night (838) Bad night (3601)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.

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  (808): mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done. http://tfl.nu/ufw3
  Replies (7) Good night (2051) Bad night (1055)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (3086) Bad night (861)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

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  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (31) Good night (8392) Bad night (878)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.

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  (417): I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor. http://tfl.nu/qpor
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (2024)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction

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  (715): It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction http://tfl.nu/kbcm
  Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (576)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (11) Good night (1463) Bad night (685)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare

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  (516): I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare http://tfl.nu/2gb3
  Replies (1) Good night (498) Bad night (311)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"

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  (727): After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer" http://tfl.nu/pzul
  Replies (4) Good night (1127) Bad night (436)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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  (630): Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat. http://tfl.nu/hcfg
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (659)

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