Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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  (586): In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson. http://tfl.nu/nef3
  Replies (2) Good night (1559) Bad night (638)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.

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  (414): I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex. http://tfl.nu/ut6h
  Replies (6) Good night (3589) Bad night (720)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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  (513): She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools. http://tfl.nu/fny5
  Replies (21) Good night (1000) Bad night (3770)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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  (813): y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all. http://tfl.nu/2iln
  Replies (125) Good night (15270) Bad night (1428)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

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  (775): I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... http://tfl.nu/9wf7
  Replies (28) Good night (5347) Bad night (1582)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral

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  (804): i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral http://tfl.nu/voa8
  Replies (3) Good night (785) Bad night (2353)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!

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  (731): Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?! http://tfl.nu/umwb
  Replies (7) Good night (3948) Bad night (1258)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.

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  (585): i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope. http://tfl.nu/beur
  Replies (5) Good night (2642) Bad night (853)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.

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  (571): Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was. http://tfl.nu/tmsm
  Replies (12) Good night (3253) Bad night (1551)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.

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  (815): ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates. http://tfl.nu/314n
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (2836)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.

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  (989): private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen. http://tfl.nu/gtzt
  Replies (3) Good night (1625) Bad night (705)
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  (235): View more from

  Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.

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  (235): Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants. http://tfl.nu/kei7
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (328)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.

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  (770): Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it. http://tfl.nu/r24g
  Replies (6) Good night (447) Bad night (729)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while

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  (801): Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while http://tfl.nu/pxq7
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (472)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.

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  (260): I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then. http://tfl.nu/hywk
  Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (522)

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