im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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