Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So vagazzling was a success
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.