This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
