Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
