Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
