One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
