I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will pee on everything he values.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
