I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
