He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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