wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
