no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
