It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
