Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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