If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
