If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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