i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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