that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
