Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
