Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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