Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
